Be Here!

Why can't you just be here? I really need to talk to with you today, if you were buried I would visit your grave but you were cremated and your with your friends and family. I want to have a last hug from you, a last walk and talk with you, a last cigarette with you! Hell I don't want there to be a last, why aren't you here today???? I want you back so badly and so does everyone you know and love, but I guess there is no return when these things happen but I will have to wait to see you in a different light. A gleaming bright light where it never fades to dark, a place where we don't have to sleep or be sad or be in pain, this place I don't know if its heaven but its for sure not hell. I just wish we could never say goodbye and I think about you and what happened to you everyday. It sucks having you gone but once we meet again it will be alright again. I'm just glad that you are no longer in pain and you are not suffering any longer. If you were I would be hurting everyday but I know you are safe and sound and that no one can harm you and you will never be sad. I know you look down and see us all frowning or crying but don't feel sorry for us, this is just the mourning process soon we will forget the hurt and relive the memories, soon my friend. I know Maryrose is hurting but I will not have her die as well, I will keep her safe from harms way and I will be her shoulder to cry on whenever she needs me, I know she wants to be with you but everyone here will miss her greatly and we can't lose both of you. I'm just glad you are safe. R.I.P Cookie.

Missing You.

Missing you hurts so bad, sometimes I get those times where I just crack and break down and cry. If anyone knows me at all its that I hate crying now, I always used to come home and cry in my dark room and then falling asleep, weird huh? well middle school wasn't a trip in the park even when I tried to be myself everyone made fun of me. Besides the point, ever since all those times of middle school and me coming home and crying I am so scared to cry because then I will feel like I can't stop. When I cry about you it feels like I'm crying forever.  I hate my mind, it gets me thinking always. Sometimes my thinking can be good but when sad its hard. I miss you.