I Am In Need.

I need you here, wicked bad day. I'm taking Maryrose home today. So that's a plus, but seriously  today sucks I'm not going to say why cause it could be fixed but my heart aches so badly. It doesn't want to beat anymore.

The Shadows Of My Heart- Halestorm.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMZknEiHQmM

I feel you, washing over me
I touch you, like broken glass under my feet
Carefully, taking hold of my heart
Slowly, tearing it apart....tearing it apart

With these tears i cry
Lord knows i tried
Now how can i let go
When you dwell in the shadows of my heart

Maybe you can't remember, something you'd never forget
Something you needed to know, is something i'll always regret
Now i stand here broken, the love i wanted you never held to
No no.. you brought me down to my knees
And i went through hell for you...through hell for you

With these tears i cry
Lord knows i tried
Now how can i let go
When you dwell in the shadows of my heart..no no no...

Dwell in the shadows of my heart, slowly tearing me apart



Now how can i let go..when you dwell inthe shadows of my heart

Everyday Since Then.

Everyday since you've been gone I have thought about you, If I saw something you would like I would think of you like that or in general I just think and remember everyday. I wish I could have stopped it. I think everyone wants to forget it, but we can't. I hope your friends and family are alright because I know some of them are severely sad and I wish I could help but I can't find the way to help. When I turn 18 in 4 months I am getting a big tattoo. across my shoulders on my back it'll say "Rest In Peace Bro" and then my middle back will have a big portrait of you giving the peace signs on the couch and then next to that it'll say in little letters "Cookie Inc" like how at the end of some companies put "tm" it'll say Cookie inc with a little cookie monster head next to it. It will cost a lot but maybe someone can help pay for it. If I could ask someone who has your ashes I would ask what  I'd have to do to get just a little tiny bit to put into my tattoo. I'll have to do one at a time.

Fighting The Tears.

Its hard to lose one friend but two? Rest In Peace Jacob Zachary Campbell, we will never know why you took your life along with lisa but I hope everything now up there in heaven is sorted out and I hope you guys can forgive yourselves for I have forgiven you. I just don't know why it had to be suicide, If I knew that was the case I could have stopped that nonsense, but it was too late you and your beautiful girlfriend escaped reality. I remember Jake was driving around with me and I brought him to where you took your life, I ran across that field up by the big hill where it all happened and I tripped and poured my heart out to you, I cried hardly in the harsh rain that poured upon me,  I felt your hand on my back and I weeped. And I will never forget that moment, the day I felt your cold hand. Rest In Peace Alex Cook, I remember that horrible day, well night. And that thunderstorm that happened once they found you was I knew it was you. ever since you left I see you everywhere and I don't see much ghosts and I'm mostly scared of them but I see you frequently and I'm not scared I just get lonely and sometimes sad, most times when I see you I am happy that you chose to see me. I know that if you were here I could be like "whoa that dream was horrible, be careful," but its not a dream its more of a nightmare that we all will never wake up from. I feel your touch and you clearly make it known that you are there, sometimes Astro will sense you if we are over at Shi's house with her and her family, he will just bark and then lay down on his back and kick his foot as if you were scratching his belly. I know you have never met Astro but now you have and you guys are two peas in a pod. What's sad to see the most is if I type into google "Alex Cook" one of the first suggestions is Alex Cook Obituary. Rest in peace my friends. Jacob Campbell 10/12/10 & Alex Cook 7/18/12

Amazing.

So when it was the 5th months that Cookie had been gone Maryrose's dog Athena dies and that was Cookie's favorite dog, and when Cookie first died it was her cat that died and that was also his favorite cat. Now Maryrose's grandmother has cancer and that's Cookie's favorite person. He is getting everything he wants and now he's never alone. Something scary? hmm well my family was out of town for 4 days up north in Alexandria and they locked the door when they left and when they came home my mom texted me and said "YOU'RE LIGHT IS ON IN YOUR ROOM! it wasn't when we left" and it was a 4 by 4 little light that you have to switch on and my mom said "well if it was the landlord you think she would turn on the big light and possibly forget about that light" and I went to my closet and pulled out my Cookie monster hat and said "he wore this one day when Jake and I were bringing him to Shane's work, his brother and he put this hat on when he was in the back of Jake's car." I knew he was checking up on me...

Say Thanks Bro!

Yet again Alexander Cook, you just love to cause trouble at my work, sunday when I was working I had to bring the row bar full of clothes from the dressing room to the floor and put them away and when I walked passed my row bar I didn't touch it but I walked passed it and it was like someone pushed it and it got the back of my ankle, and I know that would be something Cookie would do, but he just loves to make messes and scare me. No doubt he is still here, he has too big of heart and way too much energy in his soul to ever be lost and forgotten, Maryrose said that he's always at her house, but the nights I work I asked her "was cookie at your house?" and she would say no and then I knew he was at my work.

I Shit You Not...

Yesterday I worked from 3:30 to 8:15 and I was working in zone 3 which is the home and clearance isle's and I did some recovery from up front for kids toys and infant toys. There is a huge toy wall for both boy's and girl's toys and then there is an infant and toddler toy wall and its pretty big, I had to bring back some baby clothes and you have to pass the infant and toddler toy wall and as I walked passed it I heard loudly "COOOOOOOKKKIES," and I screamed and I walked to the toy and it said "Push here to hear baby cookie monster" and so I pushed it again and it said the same thing and I walked away from it and when I was putting picture frames back I stacked them on each other and it was crazy because after I put them up and stacked away I walked away to a couple isle's down and this lady came to find me and said "the picture frames are on the ground face down" and I thought "how? I stacked them up" and so I walked with her back to the picture frames and she said that she was by them when they dropped but she knock them over and that she had cold chills. This now was the work of a best friend of mine who got me into trouble but was trying to show me that he cared  and was around in a odd way. Out of all the infant and toddler toys only the cookie monster one went off and you had to clearly push for the noises. I really hope that Alex can find another way of showing he's here than pushing things off shelves.

To A Friend.

I'll stay in time and watch you pass by
[paranoia woven deep beneath my skin]
I'll draw this line
and hope you'll take my side (breath slow, breath slow)
you shouldn't have to fight alone
[you shouldn't have to fight at all]
its nobody's battle but your own

Be Here!

Why can't you just be here? I really need to talk to with you today, if you were buried I would visit your grave but you were cremated and your with your friends and family. I want to have a last hug from you, a last walk and talk with you, a last cigarette with you! Hell I don't want there to be a last, why aren't you here today???? I want you back so badly and so does everyone you know and love, but I guess there is no return when these things happen but I will have to wait to see you in a different light. A gleaming bright light where it never fades to dark, a place where we don't have to sleep or be sad or be in pain, this place I don't know if its heaven but its for sure not hell. I just wish we could never say goodbye and I think about you and what happened to you everyday. It sucks having you gone but once we meet again it will be alright again. I'm just glad that you are no longer in pain and you are not suffering any longer. If you were I would be hurting everyday but I know you are safe and sound and that no one can harm you and you will never be sad. I know you look down and see us all frowning or crying but don't feel sorry for us, this is just the mourning process soon we will forget the hurt and relive the memories, soon my friend. I know Maryrose is hurting but I will not have her die as well, I will keep her safe from harms way and I will be her shoulder to cry on whenever she needs me, I know she wants to be with you but everyone here will miss her greatly and we can't lose both of you. I'm just glad you are safe. R.I.P Cookie.

Missing You.

Missing you hurts so bad, sometimes I get those times where I just crack and break down and cry. If anyone knows me at all its that I hate crying now, I always used to come home and cry in my dark room and then falling asleep, weird huh? well middle school wasn't a trip in the park even when I tried to be myself everyone made fun of me. Besides the point, ever since all those times of middle school and me coming home and crying I am so scared to cry because then I will feel like I can't stop. When I cry about you it feels like I'm crying forever.  I hate my mind, it gets me thinking always. Sometimes my thinking can be good but when sad its hard. I miss you.

Therapist.

I know everyone wants to remind me of you but honestly I haven't forgotten you, I remember everything you said to me and everything that happened. I don't need everyone asking how I am after you passed. Obviously I'm still alive, when you died I felt like I died, my heartbeat got slow and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I hate how they keep saying "are you okay" and bringing you up every minute, normally me and the person talk about what good is going on in my life and then they bring you up and I want to cry or runaway and not look back. Seriously if you want to know how I feel about my friend Alex Cook, look in my eyes, they've seen it all and cried all the tears for him. Next time talk about something different with me, I worry about everything so much, like Cookie's girlfriend I watch out for her and I feel so sad whenever I see her status about him. I just want to take all this pain away, I wish you were still alive there's so much I want to tell you and talk about and advice for sure. We need you back Alex.

....................

Everyday I stare at your picture,
the vivid look on your smiling face,
tears fall on that picture,
as I sit there, tears falling on my tear stained cheeks.

you died at such a young age,
why did it have to happen to you,
you were my best friend, my brother,
and I never get to see you again.

it was a horrible accident,
that wave taking you away from everyone,
that feeling in my heart knowing,
just knowing that you were drifting away from everyone that you loved.

When I heard you died,
my heart broke in two,
I couldn't breathe,
my body was shutting down.

That day I saw you,
your body was cold, your face white,
as white as a ghost.
I held back on the tears, but the saddest thing was when I saw you I burst into tears.

When I saw your beloved girlfriend,
the tears were in her eyes as I hugged her,
tears falling fast on my cheeks,
faster than a waterfall in the forests.

I sat down when I had enough,
I couldn't say anything, 
I buried my face in my hands and sobbed,
the last words in my heart said, "goodbye Alex."


 

I Cannot Wait To See You Again.

You Always put a smile on my face
no matter how mad I was 
all I had to do was call you and you would make everything better. 
The day that I heard that you were taken from us my heart broke. 
I Dropped down to my knees and cried and cried. 
All I wanted was for one more day with you 
As I sit here at your grave looking at your picture. 
All I want to do is hug you and laugh with you and play basketball with you. 
I miss you so much we all do. 
and when you died. 
The whole town felt the pain. 
You were only 18 years old. 
You didn’t deserve to die. 
You wanted to get married and go to college
Have babies and have a family, with only Maryrose
You've been gone for three months now and I miss you like hell 
I think about you everyday 
It’s getting easier. 
But every time I look at your picture or pull out the scrapbook my eyes start to water. 
I will never forget you 
Alex Cook
I love you and miss you,
but I know that your in heaven 
looking over all of us.. 
I can’t wait until I get to see you again 

I Would Have.

I wake up thinking of you,
I fall asleep thinking of you,
I sometimes want to die with you...

You were the light in the dark
The squeeze in a hug
And the brother in my heart

When I heard the blood in my body stopped
My heart screamed 
And I felt dead...

You made me feel happy and loved
I see the signs everywhere that you are present
But I never will stare in your eyes again...

If there was one thing, one thing at all...
I would take back 7:15 p.m...
FOREVER!

I cry for you
I love you
And I would have died for you...

R.I.P Jacob Campbell.

Your smile, your laughter
-Only a memory.
Your voice, your personality
-Only a memory.

Sometimes people mention your name.
Some just keep quiet.
But no matter what is or isn’t said.
You’re always on someone’s mind.

two years have gone by,
But it seems like only yesterday,
You were by your family’s side.

We can only think of who you’d be,
To us, you only remain a memory.

It’s been a while since you’ve been gone.
For your friends and family, things just aren’t the same.
It still doesn’t seem real.
Who holds the blame?

If love could have saved you,
You’d still be here today.
The love we hold for you,
Will never change.

As you lay in a still rest,
God broke our hearts to prove he took the best.
Everything you did, everything you were.
It’s only a memory.

I Miss You.

I miss you more than words could say,
I think about you each and everyday.
why's you leave this world without saying goodbye,
you left us all here just to cry.
you are my best friend my life we never part,
just because you are gone you still in my heart.
I hope that you are good in that safe place,
I miss you so much and be sure to save me a place.

Slipped Away- Avril Lavigne

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh

Na na na na na na na

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Oh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Oh

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you are gone, now you are gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere you're not coming back

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same no..
The day you slipped away
Was the day that I found it won't be the same oh...

Na na, na na na, na na
I miss you

Best Friends.

I know you are in a better place
But I miss looking at your face
You were so young to die
Every night I sit and cry
Wondering why does it have to be this way
It hurts so much because there’s nothing I can do or say
That can make you come back to me
There is one thing that’s plain to see
That one day we will be together again
And now until then you will always remain my best friend

To Alex Cook.

Even though he's gone
his memory still remains in our hearts.
His smile and face will never fade.
We think of him as we go on each day.
The good times we remember
and the days spent together
will be in our memories forever.
So when you start to get down
and you really want to cry
just think of the fun times
and don't wonder why.
Just leave it at that
and know he's better now.
He's in a better place.
His heart was right with God.
So Alex we ALL love you
and we miss you so much
but we know you're much happier.
So watch over us and make sure we're okay
and we will see you again someday.

Why Did You Have To Go?

I sit around and wonder,
and watch the days go by.
I look at all the pictures,
and ask, why did you have to die?

You've always been there for me,
because you were my best friend,
and I was always there for you
until the very end.

But now it's time to let you go,
your spirit now is free.
Even though you won't really be gone,
because you'll live inside of me.

So when we have to leave you
at your resting place,
I will always remember
your smiling, beautiful face.

This is hardly a goodbye,
so I won't weep anymore,
because now you're in better place
then you ever were before.

Even though that I will miss you,
and I'll think about you everyday
you'll always be my best friend,
and that's all I have to say.

Time Helps Heal The Wounds In Our Hearts.

Although unheard I thank you
For always being there
Even when you were bedridden
You always seemed to care

You meant so much to all of us
you were special and that's no lie
you brightened up the darkest day
and even the greyest sky

Many tears I have seen and cried
They have all poured out like rain
I know that you are happy now
Cause your no longer in pain.

Not long ago I remember you
And what you used to say
You made each of us smile
And live to the fullest each day

They say in time it gets easier
I believe this isn’t true
Because even after all this time
I still don’t have a clue

I was not ready to say goodbye
Your disease just over took
So on this day we remember you
I take a second look

Our friendship is forever
Until death, did we part
Although your away physically
You’re always in my heart